Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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