I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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