Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
