Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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