chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
