sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
