I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
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I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
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Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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