Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
