Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
