I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
