Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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