my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
my liver is dry heaving
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
