my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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