his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
