My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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