Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
