I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
