i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
