I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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