P.S. I can't hear my feet
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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