she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
