I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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