You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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