Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
