Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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