I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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