i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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