Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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