I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Someone shattered a urinal.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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