found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
