i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
