You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
