The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
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Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
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I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize