We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Im part way to drunk.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
