Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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