so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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