How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
