wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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