His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
