Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
