Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I have fence marks all over my body
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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