Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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