I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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