So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
