The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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