Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I think my moral compass just broke
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
