As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
