Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
