went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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