see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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