They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
