Umm I'm too high to move.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
