If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
