it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
our cab driver is having phone sex.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
