I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
