Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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