Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
