you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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