sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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