I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
