Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
