Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
