I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
